Scene Write

Baby pains

April 27, 2015


Below is a scene I was inspired to write  after spending a little while observing the antics of my toddler. What do you think happened to the lead? How did he/she get into an altercation? Is it interesting? Is there anything unclear or that you would change? Would love to get some feedback!

I became aware that something soft and pudgy was kneading my cheeks. “Ow.” I said under my breath then moaned in pain.

It shrieked loudly in excitement with each slap and punch it landed.

“Moody get away from him, he’s not dead yet.” someone yelled from across the room.

I squinted from my right eye, it seemed to be the less swollen of the two.

“Agaih!” My tormentor yelled. The toddler arched his head back digging his fat fingers deeper into my bruised and battered face to steady himself.

“No! Moody please stop that.” The voice urged.

The little terror looked back down at me in defiance just as a large blob of drool rolled off his lips and landed squarely into my squinting eye.

I groaned and rolled my head to the side in disgrace, as the toddler giggled mirthlessly and continued assaulting my face.

A shadow loomed over us and scolded the baby, “That. Is. Enough!”

Moody screeched angrily and kicked and flailed his hands at my rescuer until he was plopped into a tub filled with water and floating objects.

The baby splashed about happily, content with his new play things, and the woman turned back towards me.

“Sorry about that,” she said as she gently turned my head towards the window. The morning light spilling through was almost blinding. I shut my eyes in surprise, and gasped in pain. Even moving my eyelids too quickly hurt.

“Now, what trouble have you gotten yourself into?” She continued aware that I was in no shape to speak let alone answer her questions.

“Three broken ribs, a sprained wrist, and a black and blue scraped and swollen face.” She shook her head disapprovingly.

“It’s a wonder you haven’t a broken nose or jaw, and thankfully no lost teeth either.” She sighed and kept talking as she efficiently cleaned and washed my face.

“My mother always said there’s something to be grateful for, it could be worse. She was a wise woman.”

She tilted my head back and raised a small cup to my mouth. ” Now drink this, it will help you rest and get your strength back.” She soothed.

I closed my eyes, the aches and pains in my body faded into a heavy numbness that slowly spread through my body. The sounds of the playing baby drifted away as I slipped into a deep exhausted sleep.

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